i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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