Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im six kinds of drunk right now
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
