I will die if light touches me.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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