i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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