i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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