so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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