I am spending my child support on dildos
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
