Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
