I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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