i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
