I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
