was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need water and some morals
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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