So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
