Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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