you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
