is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
