how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
