Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
