12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
