winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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