See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
