I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
