I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
