if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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