so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
