I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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