we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
