There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
