yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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