Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
