the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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