To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
