halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
