Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
