No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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