New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
