I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
