he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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