Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
