I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
