I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
