god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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