last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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