alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
