I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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