Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
