he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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