vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
