omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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