No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
