that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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