I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
