I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
