Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
