If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
