You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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