im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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