also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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