i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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